Thinking

So yes, yes, i should be working...i know this, but i am the queen of procrastination (i challenge anyone dethrone me) and fuck that i have been working for days...

I am writing a paper on Beloved and while i am not a fan of the book i am a fan of this quote:

"If you go there—you who was never there—if you go there and stand in the place where it was, it will happen again; it will be there, waiting for you . . . even though it’s all over—over and done with—it’s going to always be there waiting for you."


It made me think ...about many things ( i also blame certain people for asking delicate questions...this post is their fault ;)) and have become quite introspective...not in the emo sense (who am i kidding) but in the sense of rememory and how much has changed, and what can change the very core of a person...and if there is anyway back from somethings. Like the idea of this quote haunted me last year, can the past ever really become the past or will it always be there ...waiting to repeat. can one person take the place of another if they are in the same place?

somethings are inexplicable and no matter how hard you try, you just cant stop somethings and you cant go back and be where you should have been and werent...the world doesnt work like that...and no one can expect that of you...

the past is the past. it's been a year. I got over her awhile ago, but not the blame. It is not my fault, i realize that i have always known that...but now i feel like it has finally soaked in...it is finally distant enough for my own forgiveness to set in....and to realize the fact that at some point when i wasn't paying attention this settled.

I really hope that what changed this person fundamentally can heal and that she is that beautiful happy-go-lucky soul that i first met...that she can get that back, and that she is happy. I feel now that one day we will cross paths and be able to simply shake hands and our heads about how crazy the world is....to just be...say hello and then goodbye and go our separate ways.