i love this man

Here are the 700 Hobo Names You Requested
as read by John Hodgman


it really is quite something


http://www.areasofmyexpertise.com/

Daily Show Appearances


..its dull as doldrums (i've been waiting to use that phrase for so long) around here as everyone i hang out with is gone for the week and then i'm going home. I actually have my sisters car and apartment all to myself, for the the time being...so i was working up the courage to try skype out, finally- i am NEVER alone..i've been sleeping on a couch- also flighty little me just discovered by accident last week that my laptop has a microphone somewhere on it...and then i lose my voice. Completely...little typhoid mary children....so cute, yet so diseased..at least i get paid for it (i've been watching more than just my sisters kids lately)
apparently i'm not meant to join the skype crowd...

Summer concert mix

so i'm getting annoyingly excited about lollapalooza; believe me i havent been this excited about anything in ages. It is kinda freaking my friends out...ahh the joys of getting myself off medication...I did grow up to be (relatively) stable after all, surprise, surprise (hey i even grew up). Plus it is renewed excitment as last week it looked like i couldn't go, but then i realized i was actually really upset about it and got my surgery moved to a different date. Its amazing how the most liberating day of my life was the day that i realized i was the only one who could come to my rescue. That was two years ago this week and now I am happy, all on my own, and drug free.
...man, i need to stop reading confessional blogs and memoirs, sorry. I say sorry too much, i should stop that, i'm always apologizing for nothing, sorry ;)

ANYway...i made a little mix for lollapalooza:

1. Gold digger- Kayne West
2. Tell Me Baby- Red Hot Chili Peppers (my cursed band, i've been trying to see them since 7th grade and something always goes wrong)
3. Combat Rock- Sleater-Kinney (tear...this is one of their last shows)
4. Shores of California- The Dresden Dolls
5. Secret Heart- Feist
6. Falling- Ben Kweller
7. So Says I- The Shins
8. In a Future Age- Wilco (this is like my family's band, we all love them....and Johnny Cash)
9. I need Some Sleep- Eels (this is from the shrek 2 soundtrack, which is a surprisingly decent album, for real)
10. Do Ya realize- The Flaming Lips
11. Naked as we came- Iron and Wine (remember when the l word played more than Betty)
12. Wonderwall- Ryan Adams (covering oasis..who were at my first concert)
13. The Sound of Settling- Death Cab for Cutie
14. Blankest Year- Nada Surf ( i love this band)
15. Twin Falls- Built to Spill
16. Twin cinemas- The New Pornographers
17. Fraud in the 80's- Mates of State
18. Crazy- Gnarls Barkley (imo the best summer pop song since hey ya)
19. Kiss Off- Violent Femmes (playing opposite S-K, so i wont see them, but i've seen them 5 times and they always end with this *they do a lot of free midwestern concerts*)
20. Steady, as she goes- The Raconteurs
21. Cause = time- Broken Social Scene (longish song...)

I have discovered that I really like making music mixes, it gives me something to do while S. is napping. I'll probably make some more...

my boob story

aren't breast ultrasounds hot...

so awhile ago i developed a weird ass lump in my breast....which led to a great deal of stress and being felt up by old man doctors, old female doctors, and one hot med student.

I noticed it in the shower, had my ex-gf confirm it, and then after convincing me it wasnt just my imagination I went to the doctor...this was in december

I had an ultrasound and they found the above which is a fibroandenoma- a benign tumor

My mother died of breast cancer at 54 in 2000. She had it the first time when i was in 2nd grade, the second time when i was 12, had a double mastectomy; it came back when i was 16 and metastasized to her liver...the story of so many peoples lives
she was an amazing person who never once was bitter or complained, she was finally happy with her life and didnt let anything mess with that. I could write all day about her

because of my family history they took this all very seriously and I had a couple biopsies over christmas- GIANT needles in my boob, i replayed an episode of the L word in my head- it was benign of course- the hardest part was telling my dad and then my sisters that they really wanted us to get the genetic test that alerts you if you carry the gene...i refused- i dont want to know at 22 that I most likely will get cancer by 40, but i will monitor more closely

anyway they decided to leave it for awhile and check it again 6 months later...it is now 6 months later and they want to remove it for cautions sake, so next week I have lollapalooza followed by a super fun surgery...but as bette says "tina had a lumpectomy and you can barely see the scar" (needless to say this season was sooo much fun to watch)

i dont really know why i'm posting this I just felt like sharing....so check your boobs even if you are young...it can be a fun and interactive activity ;)
...heres to hoping i at least get another hot med student

Unicorns eat children

My sister was giving me crap for wearing this shirt when i took my niece to the movies..cracks me up...my nephew loves my shirts he checks what i'm wearing as soon as he wakes up, its so cute, B wasnt so happy about his neighing sounds to the blood thirsty unicorn

I love threadless..only problem now is that i have introduced so many people to it that we all have them now, but there are plenty so its still awesome, we all sit around talking about them..at my brother and i's friendly neighborhood bar a few weeks ago we made a drunken chart of how threadless has spread, i was a major nexus...it was hilarious because i introduced him to it 2-3 years ago..and at the bar that night were 5 people who had found it through us and then told others...anywho go to threadless.com the best t-shirt sight ever (straight from chicago bitches)..they are not as good as they used to be, but every once in awhile there is a great one

i need to call my father. I just realized that i have not talked to him in weeks...wonder what he is up to, and i need to get all sorts of crap done, plus lease shite figured out..he is very useful and intimating when i need him to be, can get me out of anything that i cant talk my way out of..all this from a 60 year old really nice man who ends phone calls with "love ya much"...i love my dad he cracks me up...he just has a penchant for crazy ass women

off now to meet roommate chick at the metro..feels like a blind date...i'm not sure how to describe myself to her - medium height with bright red glasses, bright red shoes, an interesting t-shirt and hair reminiscent of harry potter after a hard night
wish me luck...

look familar

for you dirty dancing fans...i was looking through my old pictures and found these pics of the hotel from dirty dancing where i lived for a few months while doing and environmental project (as you can see the lake is disappearing)... it wasnt snowy the whole time, and is probably one of the best times i've ever had in my entire life, the ten of us had the whole off season hotel all to ourselves while we demoed buildings, designed benches, and cleared trails and drank ourselves into oblivion
...beer pong in the baby corner baby!!

avi to mp4!!

I hadn't done a hot girl post in a while, so i give you, and myself Alyson Hannigan..my dorky quirky high school crush..so cute

I am proud of myself currently for finally figuring out how to convert my avi files, and dvds!, to the mp4 format that plays on my ipod...its very possibly old info to everyone else, but i am so excited about it...now i can watch the L word and pretty much anything i want from the palm of my hand on public transportation
(now all my law school friends can inform me of how much jail time i can get for this..hey if i bought the dvd, i should be able to use it for my own purposes, i do actually buy somethings)

its amazing how a little device that i have had for only 3 months has now become an extension of my body....i love my ipod

roommate interviews

I have a bunch of interviews/ meet ups with peeps looking for roommates this week, lets hope i dont get anybody like this, but i bet it would make for a great blog entry....ok this picture is already starting to gross me out....i am SO glad i'm gay.
I sent out a few e-mails this evening and already have a few meetings set up, so i hope it wont be too judgy, judgy...and that the people arent complete freaks.

now i am trying to decide if i come out to people right away, when we are seeing if we are a good fit, or wait until i know them a little better. I'm not a shout it from the rooftops type, but i'm definitely not a closet case either...i guess i should just play it by ear, but i for sure dont want to set things up and then end up living with closet homophobes.
Any advice? i have never had to find a roommate before; i have always known people. I am just not sure how these things work, i have never had to interview to be someones friend before...i feel like the biggest tool. It serves me right for only hanging out with mid-twenties friends of my sister everytime i come to visit...speaking of i was out in mt. pleasant with my middle sister and her work friends, one of whom is this total granola dyke who knew the whole history of the bars and gays of mt. plsnt, it was a pretty interesting conversation.

crazay metro folk

so I was on the metro this afternoon and was fairly amused when this weird old lady sitting in front of me started freaking out and yelling at the new form of advertising they have around metro center - there are now these huge flashing target ads in the dark tunnel while the train is moving, i've never seen anything quite like it before- i love crazay people on the train

a few years ago, when i lived in the part of DC we had to trick cabs to take us, my friend B. and I always ended up sitting next to this same old heroin addict man who would vomit and foam from the mouth, it was gross and extremely sad..he'd sit next to us on the bus, he'd sit next to us on the metro..coming from both directions on multiple days...it really started to freak us out...i swear i saw this same man sitting on a bench the other day..i'm would think i hallucinated the whole thing if i didnt have other people to confirm it

public transportation makes life interesting...i love it


as you can probably tell, i only have a disc with my old high school assignment shit left..
this was a mixed media copy of van gogh (i used chalk pastel, my key medium...i like to use my fingers) and obviously added the people.
..i thought it worked for my post topic

check

cover letters out- check
realizing there is no checkmark key- check
resumes out- check
caught up on podcast-o-rama- 3/4 check
bio test- check (o chem is my hell)
article for non-paying internship published- check
annoying whiney mood over- check
alcohol- check
living situation- i think i need to find a new place (bureaucracy at intended it weird and not getting back to me)..craigslist here i come, but for now i'm off the couch and onto an air mattress in the study; exciting i know (i dont even have a room at home anymore...its fun being a broke ass kinda homeless college student)
coming out to my sisters- as soon as their work crisis is resolved (all of their upper management quit or got fired)
last post of the day (i promise)- check
panty check (red boy cut with white trim ala carmen in no touching scene)- check

glastonbury abbey (from my trip to england a few years ago)

cover letters suck donkey dick

man there were so many casts up today and i, of course, am only busy on the days everybody updates...but boring busy..i had written about it but it was so boring it gave me a headache, stupid shit like internship applications, forms, bio tests, and babysitting...i start real aka paid work soon
least boring snippits
-i totally cut my feet up at the gaypont farmers market this sunday..cute flip flops not so cute when i have to walk - but soo many gay peeps...i have seen more gay folk in the past few days than in the past year

- i need to figure out my living situation badly

-restaurant week kicks it (even if it is just Bethesda and not DC's)

-hello to everybody who commented, glad you liked it :)

-there is a giant (ten story) shark tail and fins coming out of the discovery building near my nieces camp in honor of shark week ...it is so fucking awesome

Musical therapy cont.

Here is my Break up mix (at times most people need one so enjoy):

1. Dirty Buisness- The Dresden Dolls
2. Portions for Foxes- Rilo Kiley (heard around the K universe before, but its a great song)
3. Breathe- Anna Nalick
4. Other side of the world- KT Tunstall (same as above)
5. Screaming Infidelities- Dashboard Confessional (i know emo, but it works)
6. Seeing other People- Belle & Sebastian
7. This Love- Maroon 5
8. Tragedy- Brandi Carlile
9. Today has Been Okay- Emiliana Torrini
10. So Sad about us- The Breeders
11. Let my Freak Flag Fly- Caesars Palace
12. Mr. Brighteyes- The Killers
13. Poster of a Girl- Metric
14. An Honest Mistake- The Bravery
15. So Sorry- Get Set Go
16. Since You've Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson (shoot me but i love this song)
17. Hide Another Mistake- The 88
18. We used to be friends- The Dandy Warhols
19. My Girlfriends Boyfriend- Her Space Holiday

Musical therapy

well my ex-girlfriend (i kinda talked about her way earlier) has been calling me up trying to start up everything again, just when i thought we were finally officially over...arrgh dyke drama...i seriously need to stay away from this girl

anyway i was annoyed, nostalgic, and bored ...that combination lead me to make music mixes..then i figured i'd might as well share them as it really is a musical journey through a relationship

so here is the beginning aka a mix for relationships (i'll post the break up mix later):

1. Fuck and Run- Liz Phair
2. Alison's starting to Happen- The Lemonheads
3. I Kissed a Girl- Jill Sobule
4. Girls- The Beastie Boys
5. Rebel Girl- Bikini Kill
6. someone to love- Kate Earl
7. Never Met a Girl Like You- Edwin Colins
8. There's to much Love- Belle & Sebastian
9. No Sleep Tonight- The Faders
10. Don't you Just Know It- Huey "Piano" Smith
11. Got a Girl- Tripping Daisy
12. Infinity- Merrick
13. All 'cause of You- The 88
14. Friday I'm in Love- The Cure (i looove this song)
15. Jet Pack- Jill Sobule
16. Lift me Up- Get Set Go
17. Over 'fore it Started- Caesars Palace

enjoy and let me know what you think

old art

during my computer crisis last month i was sad as i thought i had lost my entire portfolio (I used to draw and sell portraits of people, back in the day before i burned out)..but i was going through some of my old CD's and found a little bit of my stuff from high school- i am better now, but my new stuff is all in real form (this portrait above is the bane of my existence as it is huge, this is only a small portion and the only part i have left..i dont like the nose/eye area and the hair here, and it is cut off at an awkward place so it looks distorted ..anyway it is this huge creepy close up *assignment* that was hanging in the front of my high school for months and then my dad stole it and put it in the living room...i finally got him to at least move it to his office)
....and this is why i stopped..can you say obsessively anal and critical..i just cant stop nitpicking and changing everything i do, i now embrace my mediocrity..my mom always wanted me to be an artist, i just never had it in me..the portrait i did of her drove me to the brink..i am thinking about maybe starting up again, it has been 4 years since i've done a face..as a hobby

i dont know why i am posting it ..i guess i'm just excited that i found long lost stuff, what i do now is more of an evolution of this:


(It really is amazing how much shading is lost on the computer, there is a gentle shift btwn colors that is completely missed .its always amazing to see a piece in person..i could spend the rest of my life in art museums and never get bored..just let me have my ipod)

cant sleep

cant sleep cant sleep..lallalalalaalalala (that was really fun to type)

i really dont know how i manage to function on around 3-4 hrs of sleep a night and still only be tired during class when i have to stay awake...peptide bonds at 8am, just like a shot of espresso..plus the class is just a rudimentary core that i have to make up because my science labs didnt transfer (quarter to semester system snafu), so it is super boring..i like discussing things..if you havent figured that out
you can tell how little sleep i have gotten by how rambly my posts are and the increasing mistakes in my grammar and spelling (i really am not an idiot..Believe it or not i write for a magazine on occasion..i know when i am doing something wrong..i just type really fast and am too lazy to go fix it - i embrace stream of conciousness; my mind is always ahead of my hands anyway...it relaxes me just to type my thoughts without having to think about what i am writing..ee cummings is my hero)

can you tell i'm getting delirious

Cow! (the word i here a million times as S. thinks that all mammals are cows..Especially cats..the actual cows well they Ba..it is even cuter than it sounds)

my sister comes home tomorrow and then i can go back to being in my early twenties..not sounding like some strange mom-jeans..YAY!

my day

5 hour bio lab then...

Baby beluga in the deep blue sea
swim so wild and you swim so free
heaven above and the sea below and a little white whale on the go
baby beluga, baby beluga is the water warm? is your momma home? With you so happy?
way down yonder where the dolphins play, where you dive and splash all day waves roll in and the waves roll out see the water squirting out of your spout
baby beluga oh baby beluga sing your little song, sing for all your friends.
we like to hear you
when its dark and your home and fed, curl up snug in your water bed
moon is shining and the stars are out.
good night, little whale, good night....oh theres more,but i dont think i can do it again for the 1millionth time....man my nephew is the cutest, sweetest, easiest baby in the world..but i hate raffi

today we have read the above a thousand times and then i trained him to say bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay...and then we play the aunt L goes boom game where he pushes me over, i fake fall, and then he falls on top of me..it is great fun
now..to feed them..picky 7 year olds are so much fun to feed...and than to convince S to eat it
...i find it frightening that i like doing this...to some extent (it really is amazing how much you can love some people)

i like lists- just give me a topic

almost 100 Things I hate (prompted by KC's mention of rib flavored yogurt...just writing it makes me want to barf)

1. YOGURT - it is thick and creamy and gross and smells weird
2. Advertisements for toenail fungus cures where they show the gross toenails failing off
3. long toenails
4. toenail fungus
5. George W. Bush (see 4)
6. Clowns
7. Ventriloquist dummies
8. Mannequins
9. Tom Cruise
10. Ethan Frome
11. The Scarlet Letter
12. Dumb and Dumber type movies
13. Married with Children
14. Mike Judge's animation style- i just cant look at bevis and butthead and king of the hill
15. Star Jones
16. bacne
17. Ashley simpson
18. Hilary Duff
19. Spiders (not scared of them.. i hate them)
20. Salmon
21. Gold clothing
22. people singing too me unprovoked - marriachi bands etc.
23. Carnies- (people yelling things at me unprovoked)
24. Mosh Pit (men groping me unprovoked) ...that i cant remember how to spell unprovoked
25. men groping me
26. Daddy sauce
27. looking at burns (if you have ever had first aid training you will understand)
28. watching birthing videos
29. going to church
30. Tackiness
31. slow walkers
32. slow turners (don't waste my green arrow bitch)
33. cancer
34. the noise of people cutting/biting nails
35. little yippy dogs
36. hairless cats
37. animals dressed as humans
38. lord of the dance
39. Ross on friends
40. public speaking
41. stupid people
42. Glorifying stupid people
43. hitler
44. bill o'reily
45. ann coulter
46. Scalia
47. meal worms
48. 13 yr old girl high pitched screams
49. volleyball
50. garbage bags that break
51. really dirty kitchens
52. slimy mildew
53. focus on the family
54. militant pro-lifers
55. AFA
56. pee-wee herman (he scares me)
57. Patricia cornwells latest book
58. when my computer breaks
59. my step-mom
60. long division
61. horse flies and this gnat that keeps landing on my computer screen
62. my 9th grade world history teacher
63. cubicles
64. Asinine rules
65. people who use the word asinine incessantly
66. people who truly hate other people
67. people who cant hold a conversation (stopping all conversation so that they can speak is NOT a conversation)
68. people who get mad at you, but wont let you be mad at them (i dont know how to explain)
69. BJ's
70. balls
71. my dads patrick O'Brien audiobooks
72. dog eared pages in books
73. creamed herring
74. the smell of fish
75. boredom
76. when i get in trouble/ awkward sit. because somebody doesnt get my twisted dry humor (apparently i am very believable when saying completely ricockulous things)
77. people who dont understand the concept of sarcasm
78. mother teresa that dirty slut
79. driving in front of a cop
80. The Wiggles
81. For Better or for Worse (the comic strip)
82. old middle aged breeders who grind and make out at concerts and sporting events
83. the words NO and moist
84. slutty childrens clothing
85. those people who should NOT be wearing that tube top
86. that i really cant sleep and i have to getup to watch a baby and i have a 5 hr lab tomorrow
morning
87. it being to hot to sleep
88. making phone calls
90. the number 89
91. Indiana
92. the time clock on blogger that doesnt seem to understand the eastern timezone (its 2:48)

Elizabeth Bennet

because i am bored, waiting to pick up my baby nephew, and cant write a short entry to save my life....my last post led my mind off on a jane austen (ish) tanget...thinking about this i have always had a thing for the willful girls of literature..marianne, Jo from little women (wynonia rider..mmm), and of course Elizabeth Bennet who is in my opinion one of the best characters in the english language.
Now i have noticed that pride and prejudice is not only on almost every straight girls favorite book list/BBC production/ movie..but on many gay girls as well..
straight girls just love Mr. Darcy (hey even i love mr. Darcy), but i was just thinking that lizzie would probably be my ideal woman..and i was wondering if i was alone in this

now i love the BBC version, but i think knightley is hotter than ehle (plus i like her in the sailor outfit in the new pirates movie...now johnny depp another man i would fuck, but not as Jack Sparrow..give me keira as any elizabeth)

now pride and prejudice is simply a great book, but it is also known for creating what many women consider to be the ideal hero...if anyone who reads this has a love of P &P...do you think that elizabeth bennet is more identifiable to you, and you'd go for Mr. Darcy or a girl version of Darcy, or would you go for Elizabeth?

..i know this a weird question strange things happen to me in the heat with only a baby for company (i have the kids for a few days 'cause my sister took advantage of my presence to go to phoenix with her husband - he works for an arizona senator- and they havent been able to take a trip for a longtime..i think it is scary that i am now responsible enough to have my sister beg me to watch her kids for a week..it makes me feel old, i really am an adult, plus i really am freaked out that i will mess up my nephew or something..my niece i can handle, shes 7, but a baby..scary)

Kate Winslet kicks it

mmm.. i love kate winslet, she is probably my favorite actress and now that i've been thinking about it i think her in sense and sensibility was my first real lesbian crush..i just loved marianne..in middle school i was also more interested in her in titanic..never really went in for the whole leonardo decaprio thing...ahh the kate winslet memories, i'm thinking back and i remember turning bright red when she was topless in Titanic when I was with my parents, i dont think that wouldve happened if i wasnt gay..its amazing how certain memories take on a different meaning now that i know i'm gay....
it was kind of freaky to me on the last slogreenx, when green was talking about how kissing a boy felt like a scripted scene from a movie...that is exactly how i always felt and have explained it to people..until i was with a girl, i just thought that i was an emotionally stunted freak and thats all i would ever feel..and i kept testing myself, to see if there was something wrong with me....and then i was with a girl...

anywho back to kate winslet....her american express commercial is just yummy..god i love her voice and when she is not all poshly made up..my roommate at the time loves to talk about the look on my face the first time i saw that ad..my head like snapped around..it remains the only commerical i have ever watched online..multiple times..its really kinda sad

funny fact i kinda wish i didnt know..when i was searching for a picture of kate winslet i came across her music video..she apparently recorded a song at some point...stick to acting

DC here i come

So i'll be waddling through national at 6am this morning with all of my crap ready to sleep for a month on my sisters couch...i'll be traded back and forth between the two and taking biology everyday, fun fun...but its fucking DC!!

i've only been home for a couple of weeks, but i am so done with this place..sure i'll miss people, but everyone was only home this summer for a short time anyway..like me they are all moving on to bigger and better things than wasting away at home looking for a job...now i get to waste away at my sisters home, looking for a year round job and waiting for my apartment..which i havent heard anything about lately..i should really look into that

it is kind of scary starting over at a new school and in a new place, but i've lived in dc before and believe me NW is sooo much nicer than where i lived in SE before, no more burning cars and thug life..plus i am practically done with college, i will have a handy dandy degree for which i have know idea what i want to do with, i came to DC for the internships, so i plan on sticking around

i am looking forward to seeing my family..i havent seen them in 5 months..my nephew can walk and talk now..crazyness..my plan is to get him to say my name before my other sister's as i will be living with him...man i love my sisters kids they are awesome..my niece E. is 7 (and a half..i cant forget the half) and my nephew S. is around 14 mths, they are so cute..i enjoy the fact that my jewish sisters son has random auburn hair (we enjoy making fun of her for having a super irish first name, a jewish last name, and blond hair and blue eyes)... it cracks me up

Hair Shock

aaahh, i got a scary haircut
note to self..dont get your haircut tipsy when your in an adventurous mood..i'm totally freaked out now

so i usually have my hair around chin length..kinda funky and choppy, but not too drastic...so i had been lazy for a long time and my hair was past my shoulders..so my brother and i went down to the city to this punky place that does cheap cool haircuts, where we had gotten awesome haircuts before (plus all the chicks that work there are totally gay and cute)....so i sat in the chair with this girl who i was a little afraid of and as i was in a weird mood..i just said i want something short and funky (plus i was wearing my hipster glasses which i had to take off, so i couldnt see it until its done)...so i was expecting short to mean chin/ear length (and some of it is) i just didnt realize how short she was going until too late and i was like alright..its summer, it will grow out, i'll just go with the flow....yeah so now i'm going with the flow

there is nothing wrong with my haircut...it actually looks good on me, other people say really good..it just doesnt feel like me..think early leisha hailey meets tegan and sara..its a total indie rocker haircut, which is cool..i just think a little too cool for me (hey i wont have any problem convincing people i'm gay now...its not super dykey, straight chicks totally have this haircut..just a little too hip for me, i think it puts pressure on me to be hip)

i think it is karma for coming out, now i'm really out, and on the brightside..the girl totally would not have given me this haircut if she didnt get a hip indie kinda gay vibe off of me...and thats cool..i like indie rock chicks..i am a hipster indie rock chick..i guess i just look the part now

whatever..its just hair...i'm sure it will grow on me- pun not intended, but hey it works-

and i'm out

These are fried cheese curds....they look disgusting and are a heart attack on a plate, but i love them oh so much, yet only allow myself to eat them on special occasions....today i was so antsy waiting for my brother to get home from work that i drove up to wisconsin just to get some..mmmm

ok so tonight, i did it, i came out to my first family member!
It went well, i was having a beer with him and just said it...he blinked a few times..and then was like "finally..i was wondering when you were going to tell me...want another beer?"
hes known for ages, i knew he knew (sounds like friends) which is why i came out to him first, he is the only one i was sure knew...
he is perfectly fine with it, as i knew he would be, i swear to god he is more of a lesbian than i am...most of his friends are girls, he is friends with more lesbians than i am (he has lived with multiple lezzies), and he loves gay riot grrl music..all of my le tigre, sleater-kinney, sarge, ani, etc. is from him (he even has indigo girls music), and he gets really pissed off at the girls gone wild video's...he makes a great big brother

one down..four to go (sometimes it sucks having a large family, but i would die without them)
I have my dad to come out to next....
then comes my liberal sister, who will be pissed i didnt tell her sooner/first (shes been wondering if i was gay for years...her boyfriend asked me straight out last year, i said i wasnt sure yet..felt bad about it, but i should come out to her before her boyfriend-fyi i've known this guy for 10 years)..i really think things have been kinda weird between us since shes suspected, i hope coming out officially will fix things

then comes the biggy..my super republican newly converted conservative jew sister...I'm going to be living with her family for awhile, she went to smith, so i doubt she will have that much of a problem with it- she and my brother-in-law are the wildcards (they are both super republicans from super liberal families) I dont think it will be a huge deal ..her sister-in-law is dating a transgendered indivdual and always asks my niece what gender pro-noun her polly pockets want to be identified by...this sister is protective of me (she's 12 years older), but she is a freak sometimes...when i went to the iraq war protests in DC, she called me up and told me i was supporting people that would kill my niece in a heartbeat..that really pissed me off..

but anyway..i did it, i am coming out of the closet ....i need a drink

coming out

so i kinda wrote about it over at slogreenx and on the forum....and i said i'd post about it so i will...

I've been out for a while to my friends and at school and I 've never really encountered a problem more than people just not absorbing it...sometimes people dont get it into their heads that when you say "I am Gay" very clearly and for real it does not mean i want to go scouting a hockey game for a boyfriend...anyway

i have a pretty thick skin when i choose to and very little patience with people saying idiotic homophobic things and thinking its okay because there is no one gay around them...in many of my classes we have discussed gay marriage and i'll wait a little bit and then when somebody starts in on "well i'm not homophobic; i'm not scared of gay people....they are the ones asking for marriage..cant they just be happy with civil unions or wait a while" ...i will then bust out with the "hey, i've sat next to you for 3 months...do you want to look me in the eye and tell me I cant visit my partner in the hospital, that i dont deserve health benefits, i would like to get married someday just like you...oh and it is not gay people who have started these amendments...its republicans who are getting people to vote to take away rights not grant them...." i always enjoy the look on peoples faces....i am fine coming out to people like this, people that i'm not really close to, but i am having problems with the people that matter most to me...

I really want to be out to my family before school starts up again in the fall, especially as i will be living my gay life in DC, where two of my sisters live, DC is small and I know i would have to lie at somepoint and i hate lying....i have actually never confirmed or denied that i was gay or straight to my family my entire life...its a very dont ask dont tell situation..we just dont talk about personal lives, unless there is a serious relationship to discuss...but i dont want to wait for that anymore....
my problem is starting the conversation...i just dont know how because there never will be the opening...noone will ever ask me if i have a boyfriend..and the only time my dad brings up gayness is when my homophobic step-mom is grossed out watching the sopranos *hey those men gross me out as well, but not because they are gay*
i know my dad doesnt agree with her, but he doesnt stop her either..my biggest fear is that he will side with her, but i know he wont

i have become so hung up on how to start the conversation, that i kinda threw the idea of a letter out of my mind, until someone on slogreenx's blog mention it was okay to do it that way and i really think i will...
my big problem has been it becoming this huge emotional ordeal, when it just isnt that to me, i am just gay, i dont have a problem with that...i would hope my family wouldnt...i just dont know if it will become really awkward, but it needs to be done....

with a letter i will be able to set the tone and not have to look directly in peoples eyes...they can come to me, thats always been the way i've worked, seriously i really do think i will do something funny at first, i dont think i could get away with it if i didnt know they already know, i'm just confirming it..(in my entire life i have never talked about boys/boyfriends...so they will not be surprised) and i have always been snarky and funny, i want them to think of me the same way
....i will probably keep it short and sweet "guess what I need to tell you?"..."i'm gay...and i finally have the courage to tell you" i'll decorate it, make it crafty -cause thats how i do things- make them start out laughing as their first reaction, then i'd go into the serious aspect on the back and ask them to come talk to me if they want to..My sisters recently had me set up a family blog...and i would love to just post something there, but that would just be too impersonal, dont you think?

....do you think it is insane to do it this way, should it be really serious and sappy, it is one of the most important things i will ever do, and i do feel guilty enough for not telling them sooner, is this short changing them?

my dog is a freak

This is my dog Waffles...she has been walking around in circles now for about 10 minutes prior to just laying down already...she is a freak, but i am oh so bored without her

i need to do laundry

i am bored and cant sleep so i am doing a list of random shit about me post
1. i am gay
2. i would consider myself a platinum star- only been with a guy once, to see what it was like..i've even never been able to kiss a male when completely sober
3. i'm irish/italian catholic ie i have a shit load of relatives
4. i am the youngest of 4 and it is painfully obvious
5. i took two years off before college
6. in addition to my family i have lived with 14 people
7. i have lived in some strange places ie a migrant work shelter in ohio
8. i have wanderlust
9. i get bored doing the same thing for more than 3 months
10. i read more than anyone i know
11. a librarians kid, i worked in the library for 5 years
12. i was in americorps hence living in strange places
13. i've built 4 houses
14. i've taught in DC/ lived in ward 8
15. I've worked with more volunteer orgs than i can think of
16. i am terrified of clowns and ventriloquist dummies
17. i hate birds and fish
18. i love heights
19. i have rock climbed for 15 years
20. i am a runner
21. i have horrible insomnia
22. i write a shit-load of papers
23. i write too much
24. its hard to get me talking but once i do i dont shut up
25. i only wear dresses at weddings and funerals
26. i own two skirts
27. i live for t-shirts
28. i am currently wearing green striped boy-cut panties
29. i sometimes wear little boys underwear- with sharks, trucks, and the teenage mutant ninja turtles on them- same as girl boy-cut but cheaper with funny stuff on them
30. this makes me sound way dyker then i am
31. i am easily assumed to be the typical girl next store...its fun to challenge perceptions
32. i love decorating and design
33. i love art
34. i am an art school drop-out - i was all set to go to risd and then decided i hated art students
35. i went to NYC just to see the christo gates
36. i am the type of girl that laughs at a funeral
37. my friends call me the conversation stopper, because i have had a most fucked up life and am not all emo about it
38. i get way to riled up about politics, my roommates like to keep me away from the newspaper
39. i read everything in sight
40. i am obsessed with analyzing TV and pop culture
41. my dream-job is an evil network development exec.
42. i can tell within 3 minutes if a show with flop or succeed- not a really useful talent
43. i listen to a shit-load of music
44. i love penguins
45. i am snooty about beer
46. i once won a wine tasting compition at 16
47. as an italian i grew up drinking wine with dinner everynight
48. i love old movies- frank capra is my favorite director
49. i get along better with people older than me
50. i crack up during melodrama and love it- my friends wont let me watch the notebook because it makes me laugh so hard and it pisses them off, same thing with the dawsons creek finale
51. i can actually spell, use proper grammar, and punctuation- i just dont feel like it in informal writing
52. i have a not so secret love of disaster movies- Twister is in my top 5 favorite movies
53. i have never been beaten at beyond balderdash/balderdash
54. i love trivial pursuit
55. i love high-thread count sheets and interesting fabrics
56. i like jumping off things
57. i love lists
58. i need a haircut
59. i need to stop making this list and go to sleep
60. sometimes i get scared that the check-out people at stores are judging me by my purchases
61. i have a strange love of women in suits
62. i never used to have allergies now i am allergic to everything
63. just now i sneezed for the 7th time in a row..8th
64. perfume give me an asthma attack
65. my entire family loves buffy the vampire slayer- my sisters rest firmly on the belief that my life has past eerily along the same path as buffy's, sans. the vampires
67. all of my pets have been black
68. i have three tattoos (well hidden) and this often shocks people
69. i get antsy without a kelka/kelkian fix
70. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are my gods
71. i love arrested development

a rocker guy, celesbians, and a topless girl

man, i am sore today

last night i saw Nine Inch Nails, Bauhaus, and Peaches (she was on the l word) and it was awesome..my friend had hooked us up with front row seats (i am not a huge fan, but hurt is one of my favorite songs- on that note if you haven't heard them check out all of Johnny Cash's american recording series, they are amazing)...it was nuts- i was less than 5 feet from trent reznor (now one of the few guys i would fuck)...aaron north (the guitarist) kept throwing his water bottles into the crowd...i got hit a lot along with this nice girl next to me, who was so wet she decided to take her shirt off- nice for me , but rather distracting...trent reznor and a topless girl rubbing against me...interesting night- i got reznors guitar pick and my best friend caught the top of north's fricken guitar


on the lesbian front- aside from topless girl- Peaches was great, her band was awesome..i didnt know that samantha maloney- from hole was her drummer- i used to love them
Peaches was all over the place - she had fuzzy boobs (like fuzzy dice) hanging from her mic, they reminded me of kelka for some reason

i am proud to say that i have now touched someone who has kissed katherine meonnig

- camera phones are fun


i also swear to god that either Mandy Musgrave (the brunette) or a musgrave clone was a few people down from me- she is Ashley on the baby-dyke show South of Nowhere (my guilty pleasure- they are just so cute- and hey the actresses are my around age, so i dont feel like a perve)

..i just noticed that i have the same swimsuit as ashley- yay american apparel
panty check- i also have the same underwear as carmen in the no-touching game scene :)


now i am off to the bar with my brother...

Have a nice 4th- i'll be sailing lake michigan

everyone and their mom apparently likes piper perabo

i was going to do jennifer esposito next, but in honor of what i have been up to tonight i chose piper perabo, whom i think is super cute (and apparently so does everyone else)

so a "friend" (its complicated: different states, different places in life, both emotional cripples when it comes to relationships, neither of us want to do the whole long distance thing, so we are "together" when we see each other...its to complicated for even me to understand...i like being single for now)

anyway she was down for the week and we had both kinda wanted to see Imagine you and me as it is supposed to be a lesbian movie that doesnt totally suck and nobody dies...but apparently every lesbian in the suburbs had the same idea (i didnt even know we had lesbians outside of the city) every ficken copy of that movie is gone...you can't even buy it anywhere..crazy, and now i want to see it to figure out why...anybody seen it? (also take note that every L word DVD was out as well..where are all of these mythical suburban lesbians???)

...just said goodbye to my friend...i wonder when the next time i'll see her will be...i am moving across the country, again, this time to the east instead of the west, i'm kinda freaked out about the whole having to start out fresh in a new city where i dont know anybody i'm not related to (what are some good places to hang out in DC for a 22 yr-old lez)...i just know my time with her is past..but it is still sad...
so on top of this i had to come home tonight because my dad is dragging me sailing at the butt crack of dawn...so instead of waking up with cute girl, i am waking up to a morning of being oggled by 50 year old men and 15 year old boys...where oh where are all the cute sailing girls?

then my best friend and i are off to milwaukee for summerfest and the NIN show my bf has been freaking out about for months. We have 2nd row center seats...i am going to go deaf...i hope there wont be a mosh pit...i had a bad experience once with having this gross guy grope me and try to tear my shirt off and i havent been back in one since...men can be asswipes (somedays having tits are more trouble than they're worth..unless girls are enjoying them)
but i like NIN so it will be fun and she is going with me to see the dresden dolls in a few days!!!

If your reading this have a nice weekend, and thanks for stopping by my random ramblings :)

Summer at home = too much time on my hands

is it sad that i feel all special because sloganx commented on my blog and i made the blog-roll :)
..maybe i can link to her now..i dont know how any of this internet etiquette works and i spend so much time on here now that i am stranded at home that i should figure it out- i could always ask; it is just more fun to write long-winded blog entries at 5am

it is why even the idea of skype freaks me out, talking to people i dont know, unless expressly invited, feels weird to me and i like to know exactly how things work before i do them. i'm not good at being an outsider or getting to be an insider..so i tend to just stick to in person, i'm really quite social in person, just out of my element on the internet (hard to read people)...i dont even know if i still have IM, my friends were just trying to get me on that, yet again..maybe i should. arrgh internet etiquette ...Am I the only one who gets freaked out by it...(plus i dont really have the money for a headset...though my good friend just made skype his main phone..it sucks being a poor college student)


i really think one of the defining experiences of my life was when my mother sent me to an actual finishing school as a punishment, for god knows what- i was probably too much of a tomboy- i learned about table settings, phone etiquette, how to serve tea, how to work a reception line, sit properly, that a lady never offers her hand first...you know all the vitally important skills we need to survive in the 21st century...i have been trying to undo the effects of this crap for ages..i am completely crass and laid back with my friends, but stick me in a new situation or around adults and i am all proper...its hilarious, makes a great antecdote, and is probably why i was the kid in high school that could break every rule and still be loved by every teacher...i have the charisma that adults love...that combined with sad doe eyes and i can talk my way out of anything...not really as useful now, but makes for good stories (though i still use it on professors and can always get a drink quickly at a bar)
- its always amusing when i people start to get to know me well, they get all shocked that nice innocent little loula is swearing like a mo-fo, drunk, and spent most of high school in sat. school



anywho.. i saw the devil wears prada tonight and it was pretty good, i enjoyed the book and the movie was better...meryl streep was amazing ( i didnt like her all that much until The Hours- my favorite book)...so i was watching the title sequence of this movie and thinking "i am soo gay"

first i got excited because the song was kt tunstall....than it was a montage of all sorts of hot women putting on fancy underwear and getting dressed...nice...i think the podcasters have been a bad influence on me ;)